So you say I have done more than the half distance a few times, this should not be a huge deal for me. But every long run is a big deal for me, and I create a different mental challenge each time, you GOT to, or else its monotony and that is my kryptonite. This challenge... Speed. And like the ever-prophetic Cake says...she’s going the distance, she’s going for speed... Ok ok, so they said he. Whatevs...it could be a she. So, I’m trying to break into sub 2 for the half, I don’t know if I will be able to do it, its very hard to hold that speed up for 13.1 miles, well for me it is. I know how to do it, the question is...will I be ABLE to do that. I have all my gear ready, I am fully trained. The last thing I did was create my playlist, which is – I must say – AMAZING. The key component is The Arcade Fire (high-five Leffew) & The Airborne Toxic Event. For some reason their music makes me want to run for days on end. I started remembering how free running feels...and how much I love that feeling. As I sit here reviewing my playlist and chomping at the bit to get a sneaker on some asphalt (hello taper madness....) I started to wonder...why do other people run?
I asked this question to Facebook, and I got some really great answers...from running to drink wine and eat really great fattening food to running from the “mutha truckin’ PO-lice” (thank you Eddie..). It seems we all have our reasons, and some of the reasons that hit home with me have alot to do with alone time, getting something for yourself, leaving your stresses behind, and the top one for me...a sense of achievement.
I run for numerous reasons... I run because a while back, I thought I couldn’t. I run to test myself, to go beyond what I think my normal means are. I run to be extraordinary. I am not an expert in anything anywhere at all, but I do know running. I had Lyme disease when I was younger, before Lyme’s was even prevalent. I was hospitalized, I was tired, arthritic. I figured I would probably never work out or be very physical again, and I was a pretty athletic kid. One day when I was about 26, I was lost, unfit, smoking, drinking, etc., had a boyfriend that thought I would never do anything on my own unless he told me what to do. He called me a trainwreck and a fixer upper. It was clearly not the healthiest relationship...and then he broke up with me. I was a shell, it was a devastating break up. It was that one break up where your life splinters and you decide on a direction. I was lost, angry...I felt hey, you know what.. I can do stuff without him. He would laugh if I said I was going to run... He would tell me I was too lazy...I was a smoker, I couldn’t do it. So I ran. I ran for spite. I ran and ran and ran... I ran against the ghost of that ex-boyfriend. I was unfit so I could only run a few blocks but eventually those blocks built up to a mile, then that mile built up to 3. I will never forget when I transitioned from 4 miles to 5 miles on Kelly Drive, near the St. Joe’s boathouse. I felt high.. I couldn’t believe I could run this far! I thought the Lyme had done so much damage that I would never be able to handle it. Part of me feared that guy was right, I was too weak. But then I saw that I could... I could push through pain, I could make myself continue even though my mind wanted to stop and take a nap / smoke a cig / drink a beer / eat a pizza. I stopped running against the ghost of that ex and started running toward an entirely new goal.....me. I wanted to endure, I wanted to break out beyond pain, I wanted to see how far I could take it. I ended up taking it 26.2... THRICE.
That break-up was one of the best things I got from of another person, and from that point on, I realized no one can make me do anything I don’t want to do. I do what I want, when I want... And the sky is the limit. But the sky is not the limit forever as I learned from my old friend Joe. We don’t all live forever, we can’t waste any more time. I might not have these healthy legs forever and I am going to enjoy them every single second that I can.
Nowadays I run for different reasons, to fundraise for a great cause, to improve my speed, to keep in shape or lose weight. It is work, a lot of it. But once in a while you have a run where you get that runner’s high. The run feels stripped down, suddenly you are 10 years old, the wind is whipping through your hair, you are smiling, your legs are flying and you feel like you could run forever and ever....
That feeling is worth every ache and pain, worth every blister and headache, it makes every ice bath bearable...because you know when you go out there you may turn into that carefree 10 yr old.....today just might be the day....
* for Emily, for Chiara & Becca, for Theresa, especially for Jodie who is a ROCK STAR, for all those crazy cats who will be with me in person or in spirit on Sunday, we are going to kick asphalt bitches. BRING IT.
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